When you have an open, loving and thankful heart life is nothing short of perfect! Nothing really ticks you off that much and whatever occurs in your life you can handle because you know how to reconnect with love and recreate harmony and balance.

How open, loving and thankful are you in your heart?

Here are some questions for you to answer for yourself:

How open am I towards other people’s uniqueness and their differences from me and what I know?
• I am very open
• I am somewhat open
• I am a little open
• I am somewhat closed
• I am very closed.

How judgmental am I of other people?
• Very judgmental
• Somewhat judgmental
• A little judgmental
• Somewhat non-judgmental
• Very non-judgmental

How genuinely loving and affectionate am I towards other people?
• Very loving
• Quite loving
• A little loving
• Quite un-loving
• Very un-loving

How thankful am I for the people in my life and how expressive am I of gratitude towards them?
• I am very thankful / grateful
• I am quite thankful / grateful
• I am sometimes thankful / grateful
• I am quite unthankful / ungrateful
• I am very unthankful / ungrateful

The truth is that whenever you feel you are out of balance in your relationships with other people it is time for you to do something about YOU!

Our issues with other people have less to do with them than they have to do with ourselves. Are you lovingly asking for what you want and coming from a place of love in doing so? Do you feel that receiving other people’s love is based on fulfilling their conditions? Are you yourself being conditional in your expressions of love towards others?

How do you suppose you are really, truly coming across? How are you conveying your message and your point of view? What do your actions say? What are your words saying? Do your words come out clearly in your actions? What are your facial expressions conveying? How are you really communicating with other people?

What we give is usually very close to what we get! Which means that we have to start “owning the message” we give out to the world.

If we give a little love, we may get a little love, if we show a little acceptance, we may get a little acceptance, if we demonstrate a little gratitude, we may get a little gratitude, and so on an so forth. The same goes for not giving any of these things, if we do not give any, we can’t be upset about not getting any. Yet, our whole motive cannot be about giving it “only” so we can “get” it! That’s not being unconditionally loving and it won’t trick anyone for long.

Have you noticed how everybody loves being around people who know how to be unconditionally loving, and how those same loving people also seem to know how to respect and love themselves. Being an unconditionally loving person means we love without conditions, we are not expecting anything just because we are giving our love, but even so it still does NOT mean that we give our power away and take whatever we get and accept it!

Being unconditionally loving means we are willing to take the journey inwards and get real with where we are coming from and we are not focusing on receiving immediate results from the outside. We choose to stand by ourselves in knowing that our hearts will guide us and we rest assured in knowing we deserve to live life to the fullest and we deserve to truly love and be loved.

So if what we give is what we get, it makes sense for us to genuinely ask ourselves the following questions:

“What am I giving?”, “What am I REALLY giving?”, “What am I creating?”, “What am I putting out there?”, “How am I making a difference in other people’s lives?”, “Do I have a positive effect on the people I love?” “Am I open, loving and thankful as a human being?”

Whoever comes from an open, loving and thankful heart has a positive effect on other people even when they are not intentionally trying to do so. An open, loving and thankful person receives back what they put out, both from other people and from the Universe. Loving people are loved.

Our Creator designed us to be open, loving and thankful. It is our true nature and how we are intended to be. Jesus preached love and forgiveness. We all know this yet we sometimes find ourselves moving far, far away from exactly what it is we want most in our lives and are craving so desperately in our hearts and in our spirits.

You are here to love and be loved! You would not want to deny yourself of that experience, and you can quite easily have just this, yet only the first part is within your control. So how can YOU be an even more loving person?

You can start by getting real with what it is that you are REALLY putting out there.

You can ask yourself; “How can I express more acceptance, understanding, love, affection, gratitude and forgiveness to other people?”, “How can I be more godly in my thoughts, actions and in my being?”

If you are not feeling as loved as you would want to feel and not being as expressive of love as you would like to be, then you can change the little glitch in the system… you can elevate your spirit and reprogram the mind-computer:) and create balance and harmony in your life.

As a reprogramming exercise you can repeat to yourself, over and over again, until it becomes “ingrained” in your mind as a natural way of being, day after day until you truly feel it in your heart and in your soul;

I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful…

If you want it – you have to give it!
If you give it – you will get it!

“I have a great time with my life and I want to share it!”

“Greatness is not this wonderful esoteric, elusive, God-like feature that only the special among us will ever taste. It is something that truly exists in all of us. It’s very simple. This is what I believe and I am willing to die for it.”

To put it simply, what you truly believe… becomes!

According to the ‘Universal’ phenomena frequently referred to as The Law of Attraction your thoughts create your reality and you can influence your reality by the thoughts you think and believe.

There are three steps to this ‘Law’; Ask. Align and Allow:

1. ASK
Know what you want and actually ASK for it. Speak it out into the Universe. Focus on what it is you DO want and not on what you DON’T want. Be disciplined about where you are putting your FOCUS for whatever you focus on… grows!

2. ALIGN
This means to actually ALIGN your thoughts, feelings and actions on and to that which you want to attract. In my opinion this is the MOST important step yet it often receives the least attention. Without actual FOCUSED ACTION and Positive CHANGE on your part, what you wish to manifest in your life will have a hard time showing up. To get what you want you will have to actually DO something! Wishing and hoping entails no real creativity and will create nothing but more ‘wishing and hoping’, no creative creations get created without bold and creative actions.

3. ALLOW
Eliminate any resistance such as fear, doubt and worry and go into your KNOWING and KNOW that what you asked for IS going to happen for you. Notice any intuitive messages you receive, synchronicities and signs that show up to help guide you along the way to getting what it is you want. If you are ALIGNED in your beliefs and ACTIONS you are sure to receive what it is you want and manifest your dream into reality.

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.”

Buddha

To be a loving person who is easily loving towards your spouse, kids, family, friends, work buddies, clients and even with your business and job, you have to first love your SELF!

The relationship you have with yourself is the blueprint that sets the tone and characteristics of your relationships with other people.

The secret to creating a successful, loving relationship with another lies in first learning and knowing how to love oneself.

Self-Love attracts good people and even more love into your life and it also quenches the “need” for someone else to “fill up your cup”.

We all know that we are to be considerate, kind, loving, accepting and generous towards other people but are we considerate, kind, loving, accepting and generous towards ourselves?

Do you ever tell yourself how amazing and wonderful YOU are? Do you acknowledge your inner and outer beauty, and your amazing gifts and talents? Do you demonstrate to yourself the qualities you wish to give to – and receive from others? Are you intimate, honest and respecting of yourself? Are you committed and faithful to you?

Your relationship with yourself will be mirrored in your relationships with other people. What we cannot give and receive from ourselves makes us lack an authentic ability to do so with others.

More often than not people are in the habit of giving themselves anything but self-love. We are usually very good at reminding ourselves of how poorly we are doing and how much better we ’should’ and could be and we block our evolution by resisting self-love and acceptance because we are consciously and subconsciously buying into limiting (and untrue) beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs are often formed in childhood and influenced by parents, friends, society and media and may include thoughts such as; “I’m not good enough”, “I’m bad”, “I don’t deserve…”, “I’m unlovable”, “It’s not right to be this or that”, “I’m all wrong”, “I’m stupid, silly, ridiculous.” etc, etc.

Yet, your worth is a given. It is inherent by virtue that you exist! You are a spark of divinity, a miracle of creation itself, and we were all taught that God LOVES all his children, and finds them all of equal worth. But do we let ourselves truly FEEL that?

“Worth is a quality, not a quantity. You can neither add to nor diminish your worth. When you act or react in Reality to become more worthy, you will always fail. Stop trying to become worthy and start seeing your own worth.” – Lazaris

So my dear one… my invitation and challenge for you this week is to practice this art of self-love and acceptance, and see what it does for you. Be loving, kind and nurturing towards the amazing being that you are. Tune in with your self and tell yourself over, and over, and OVER all the positive things you can possibly think off that you already know to be absolutely true about you, such as; I love myself, I approve of myself, I accept myself, I am a good person, I am powerful, I am creative, I am bold, I am fun, I am loving, I am caring, I am a great parent, I am a good friend, I am funny, I am witty, I am reliable, I am giving, I can accomplish anything I want to accomplish, I am in control of my life, I am beautiful, I am a loving spouse. etc, etc, and then remind yourself of all the wonder you deserve in your life; … I deserve to be happy, I deserve a good life, I deserve to be healthy, I deserve love, I deserve all good things.. and basically whatever else may come to you.

Whenever you ‘hear’ your limiting thoughts surfacing, wanting to tell you otherwise, even telling you how silly or stupid this exercise is:)… just let those thoughts come and then float away as you bid them farewell and tell them “no, thank you, I am not buying into negativity”. Then, you can literally overwhelm those thought and fade them out with even more positive thoughts and affirmations. Our limiting beliefs have often been circulating in our minds for years and years so it can take some time and practice to get that habit off of its automatic setting and to consciously choose to think and feel differently.
I challenge you to try this out, as often as you possibly can, and say it out loud in the car, in the shower, to the mirror and then keep saying positive things to yourself even when you are around other people, although you may choose to do so in silence:)

YOU hold the key to change how you think, feel, and live your life. You have the power to literally ‘manufacture’ your own happiness.

Here’s to the Powerful, Creative, Loving YOU!

Happy Valentines Weekend…

Sometimes we may feel as if we are completely and utterly stuck in our lives! And, we can’t help but focus on all the “proof” outside of ourselves of what is not working, and all we see are the ‘things’ that are in our way and out of our control. Our overactive minds create self fulfilling prophecies but when our thoughts are based on negative set points our mind is telling us that we are completely powerless, and that the world outside of ourselves has to change before we can change and feel any different.

Hence the cycle gets repeated, over and over again. Consciously and (mostly) subconsciously we fulfill our own prophecies. Whatever we focus on grows, and it gets bigger and bigger in our perception, rendering us more and more powerless against it or more and more POWERFUL with it… depending on the set-point we are coming from.

‘WE’ are always the ones who allow ourselves to be stuck! We choose not to change a thing, and whether we change something or not, we always have a choice! Not that deep down inside we know what it is that we have to change and let go of in order to move on and make real progress in our lives…

The path towards change and real movement is right in front of us; it is within us. But, we tend to get too busy shining the flashlight outside of ourselves that we do not allow ourselves to see it. All we have to do is turn the flashlight around. To find a way to move forwards, we simply have to look inwards.

If we resist this task, our focus remains outside of ourselves and we are always in reactive mode and can’t truly discover our inner creativity, thus life remains the same, or for that matter, seems to be gliding further backwards. We move farther and farther away from our dream lives because we simply resist creating it! Maybe it feels like it is too much work and effort but not taking action is what keeps the mountain growing larger and larger and the distance getting wider and wider. What we resist will persist!

Your thoughts and actions are your most creative choices. What you ‘think’ – becomes! … and even the smallest action will create an effect. Your mind creates nothing without you using your body to create it. 1% action is better than 100% intention.…

Therefore, the question is always the same… “What can “I” do to change my situation?

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about that is making you unhappy.” ~Wayne Dyer

How aware are you of your inner Self? Who really is this person you refer to as “I” or “ME”?

Who is the YOU that rests behind the story of who you “think” you are?
You are not your body nor are you your mind although both are tools that are absolutely necessary for you to live and thrive in your human existence.

Our mind is our ego’s tool and it likes to believe that it is in charge! It is the computer that comes up with all the stories we consciously and subconsciously create for ourselves and for the people and events in our lives. Our brain’s job is to make sense of everything so it constantly analyzes and groups and categorizes information and creates systems of how everything works and operates.

In your first few years of life your brain is like a sponge, soaking up all the information that comes its way, trusting that this information is true and authentic, working non-stop on grouping and categorizing the information so it can create a system that ensures your survival in the world. When we were children our minds did not really question what adults said and did, we simply received the information, analyzed it and judged where it belonged and speedily placed it into the “right” group and category. “OK, to stay out of trouble – do NOT do ‘this’”, “To get approval – Do ‘that’” etc.

The variable is that not all of us are raised in the same environment and not all are raised in a truly positive and nurturing environment. Some are raised in a more ‘negative’ environment than others and receive less unconditional love, and affection, freedom and encouragement so the lens from which we view the world gets skewed or “dirty” and we view the world as if we are looking through grey colored and spotted lenses. The world may even appear to be quite dark and scary and it does not feel like a safe and happy place in any way.

When we let our often poorly programmed minds run the show we tend to be strictly reactive in our responses to whatever stimuli we receive. We come only from what we know, and use our past as a sure predictor of the future. We see and we hear, and feel we can completely trust our perception for nothing has ever proved to us that what we see and hear is not what really is… so it must be true! Our facts are THE facts!

People look at us funny and we assume they must be thinking something negative about us so our reactive mode kicks in, thinking, “Oh, I know ‘this’ look!”… “I’ve seen it before somewhere (or at least one similar to it) so it goes into ‘that’ category, it means ‘this’ to me”. And, our mood goes down, perhaps for the rest of the day or even for the rest of the week, and we feel completely out of balance, angry or belittled or embarrassed or anxious or something. While the fact of the matter could be that the person looking at us was having indigestion issues and just happened to look your way at the same time as their intestines cramped and they frowned and gave an impression of dislike. What do we know?! That might just as well be the case for we simply assumed we knew exactly what was going on, and our mind created a story based on past events of having been judged in some way. It can actually be quite funny to catch your mind in the act of judging and reacting. It does it so quickly that you often do not catch it until it’s already far ahead in the process.

We all have a tendency to judge, but we also have a choice on whether or not to believe or even react to those often automatic judgments.
To become less reactive in our lives we have to train ourselves to ‘catch our mind in the act’ and we can choose to retrain our minds to be more open, loving and thankful or in other words more positive and optimistic and hence much happier!

“It used to be that ‘positive thinking motivators’ of the past like Norman Vincent Peale, Napoleon Hill and Emmet Fox were ridiculed by intellectuals as being secular evangelists who purveyed false hope to hopeless followers. The only thing they couldn’t explain was that their recommended thinking practices actually WORKED and made people successful. They couldn’t explain that. But now! Now that biology has caught up with people who motivate people (and people who motivate themselves) it is proven that the brain actually physically changes and adds capacities it didn’t have when you practice self-disciplined learning and new thinking. (Like learning to think like an owner and not a victim. Like creating rather than reacting.)” –Stephen Chandler, 2009.

Our way of thinking is not permanent or fixed, nor is your personality determined by your DNA.

At any given moment you can choose to modify or even completely change your habitual ways of thinking and your habitual ways of viewing the world and instead create something you actually WANT in your life. You can create the YOU that you want to be! There is no truth in thinking, “I am who I am and there is nothing I can do about it!” for too many people have already proved that hypothesis wrong by doing a 180 in their lives and changing themselves completely and have become more authentic and expressive of who they REALLY are… and are now much happier and more joyous and peaceful. Today’s neuroscience discoveries are backing this human ability up 100%. (For more on that research a wonderful book to read is “The Brain that Changes Itself”).

So why are some people so much more open, loving and thankful than others? And, why are they so darn happy all the time? Why can some people see the best in every situation while others see the worst?

Yes, some had a great head start by being raised in a positive and upbeat environment, learning early on to use their minds in a positive manner while others had to learn the hard-er way and perhaps noticed much later on that what they had been told was true was not the absolute truth at all! Those people began looking around and started wondering; “Is this really all there is to this? Could there be something more? Could there be another way of being?”… and… then they simply declared to themselves that they would seek that out and start doing things differently! They decided to change and in essence CHOSE to be positive and optimistic, and they chose to embark upon personal growth journeys so they would make sure they’d get there and they chose to see the best in every situation, and by making all these courageous choices they went ahead and even changed their brains! It seems that all we have to do is make a choice of who we want to be and how we want to live. If something is not serving us anymore… we go ahead and do what it takes to change it. We commit to figuring it out and commit to putting ourselves first.

By committing to yourself and to your personal growth and creating time to reflect and be with your Self in solitude every now and again, you can start to truly create your dream life into existence and not just be a reactive being on autopilot mode. By asking your spirit questions such as “What do I want?” “Who am I really?” “What is truly important to me?” “What truly matters in life?” “What do I want to create?” “What do I have to change to live the life I want to live?” “Who do I have to be to get everything I want out of life?”… Not only will you be able to find the answers to life’s big questions but you will be tuning into the REAL YOU and find that you are able to create what you want into existence.

So to truly hit the START button towards a courageous, creative and HAPPY life we have to work on some positive programming and do that on a regular basis, by creating the discipline to do the following;

1. Journaling on whatever is resting in your mind… challenges, accomplishments, breakthroughs…

2. Placing ourselves in a positive and creative mindset by writing out words of gratitude for what already is wonderful in our lives and writing out words of affirmations for what it is that we want to achieve and can see ourselves achieving….

3. Placing ourselves in a positive and happy mindset by seeking out positive and uplifting people, reading positive and uplifting books, watching positive, funny and uplifting movies, listening to upbeat and inspiring music, playing and goofing off with friends, and our spouses and children and doing the activities we love doing.

4. And, last but not least, find a mentor with a clear perspective who can serve as our motivator, challenger and accountability partner to keep us working towards our goals and helping us create new launching pads from which to jump even further forwards than we ever dreamed we could!

We often get caught up in the trap of “thinking” that if only the outside world would change then we would be so much happier and everything would be better but the truth is that the only thing you can change is YOU! Positive change that comes from within radiates out into the world like a bright beacon of light and affects everyone around you in a positive way. By changing ourselves for the better we change everything for the better, and we change the dynamics in your relationships with other people, and hence create even more joy and happiness in our lives. For the world to change; we have to change! So commit to YOU!

Why not start tuning into YOU today?!

Many years ago when I was a quiet and reserved girl in college, my girlfriend suggested we’d sign up for the theater together. Something in me ‘lit up” by that suggestion and as outrageous as that felt for someone who was as terrified of judgment as I was at the time, I simply knew I had to do it. It is amazing how your spirit has a way of guiding you in the right direction.

Our director was wonderful; a young and enthusiastic actor who showed up with passion and power for two whole semesters and picked out a challenging play for us to perform; Shakespeare’s Midsummer’s Night Dream.

On one of our first nights with him he used a common phrase; “you just have to fake it till you make it”. Man, did that one simple line resonate with me or what!? It pretty much became a mantra of mine for the next few years. I was definitely not comfortable with being in the “spotlight” in any way and feared even the “thought” of people judging me. Yet, that night I had a major light-bulb moment in realizing that nobody else actually knew this about me, meaning I could simply “act” as if being on stage and acting came easy to me. It sounded so simple, really. All I had to do was fake it!

I must admit that I did not show any remarkable acting skills playing Queen Titania, as I had a hard time stepping out of my self-consciousness, but the experience helped the ‘Real Me’ peak out of her shell a little bit even though only for a few seconds at a time. My choice to sign up for the school’s theater was definitely instrumental in my life and taught me new things about myself, such as that there were things I could do that I might think I couldn’t do. Whenever we step out of our comfort zones we tend to surprise ourselves with our own strength and courage which helps us gain more confidence for future challenges.

Later, I even jumped on the opportunity to participate in beauty pageants which felt somewhat “wrong” and outrageous at the time, and still later I decided to take some classes in public speaking to get more comfortable with speaking in front of people.

The girl that once clung on to her own few friends at parties and usually kept her head down to avoid having to make eye-contact, often counting the lines in the pavement, had surely faked her way towards appearing somewhat at ease in front of groups of people. Who would have thought she could do that?! Yet, nobody really knew that this wasn’t at all that easy for me. It is not as if I ever acted as if it was all that hard. I sort of kept that part to myself because in a way I was embarrassed for not having more confidence and for having so much self-doubt and fear in me.

The good thing is that I ended up being so good at faking it that eventually I fooled even myself and developed a new persona. In a way, faking it had caused me to make it! I really had become more comfortable with being in front of people; I was actually able to talk to groups of them and present my designs and my thoughts and ideas fully knowing I would get responses and even judgments, and that I might have to defend (or at least clarify) my creations and my perspective.

So, even though I purposely “force” myself to practice the art of simply being myself and I preach that same message to others, a part of me will always be the insecure little girl that once lived in a subsidized housing complex, and was embarrassed about who she was and where she came from. But, that part of me is the “old me”. The “old me” was brave enough to fake her way to become “the new me”, a designer, business consultant, life coach, writer and blogger, openly sharing intimate details about herself with no specific fear or remorse.

One day, I hope the “new me” will have become the “old me” as I will have taken even more steps towards being the absolute Real Me.

Perhaps the next time YOU hear that “old you” saying things such as; you can’t do something, or that you’re too shy, or not good enough, or don’t know how, or are too afraid, and what would people think?!, and so on and so forth, why not just disregard that voice altogether and choose to fake your way towards creating a “new you”? One who in essence is the “Real YOU”, who’s just waiting for you to finally let YOU come out and play! It may not be easy at first; it may feel unreal, and even forced, and scary but know that with commitment, practice and repetition you are destined to get to where it is you want to go. All you have to do is let go of your fears. You may at first have to completely fake your way towards fearlessness, but rest assured in knowing that by faking it you are destined to make it!

There is no need to wait on HAVING what it takes before you can DO what you want to DO and BE who you are meant to BE.

BE who you are!
DO what you love doing.
And HAVE the life you want to live.

This is a great video with a great message… Watch and feel your inner creativity rise!

I am perfect! Or maybe not?! There are things I do that I should not do, there are things I consume that I should not consume and there are things I say, that I should not say. Yes, that’s me! There is a yin in every yang. Like I tell my clients; nobody can be one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. Trying to be perfect all the time is actually a pretty solid recipe for failure. It makes more sense to find a balance you can live with, and a balance you are proud of, and can feel good about. Then all you have to do is stick with your own definition of the perfectly balanced YOU!

I tend to go by what I call the 80/20 rule. Eighty percent of the time I am at my best behavior and then I have the flexibility to allow myself 20 percent indulgence. If I eat 80% healthy 80% of the time, I feel great. If no more than 20% of my consumption is indulgence like coffee, toast and chocolate, I feel content and not deprived of anything. Every now and then I like to up my antics when it comes to my diet, health and lifestyle, and raise the bar to 90/10, and occasionally to 100%. One hundred percent is what is required if you get on a detox program, which is great for your health yet only realistic as a lifestyle change when it is a shorter term commitment, and you can see a light at the end of that tunnel:)

When at work, I am content with being 80 percent productive and 20 percent indulgent. It makes work so much more fun when I also create time to goof off on the internet, read the news, do research, take a break with a book, call a friend and listen to music. Then again, these are also some of the wonderful perks I get from working for myself. Plus, the 20% indulgence time is actually what provides me with much of the inspiration I receive for wanting to create something so it makes the 80% productive time, even more productive. For me, 80/20 is a good balance. It is actually so good, that it is pretty much perfect!

So let’s talk about this notion of perfection. Who decided what constitutes the idea of being perfect? Who made the rule that you have to be 100% all of the time? I mean, isn’t it YOU that ends up making the rules for YOUR life! People, who are obsessed with being perfect, suffer, because they repeatedly tell themselves that they are not good enough. So who created the standards that you go by? Was it your parents, your friends, family members, society, and popular culture? Do you feel like you’ve repeatedly received the message that you are not good enough!? The constant strive to please others will most definitely end up giving you that message.

It is perhaps time for you to contemplate where your thoughts are coming from, and where and how the filter from which you view the world was created? Because when you think about it, you may be living in an old story of what perfection really is. You may very well realize that you are indeed perfect just the way you are. You are the only YOU there is so that alone makes you perfect at being YOU!

“You will make a lousy anybody else, but you will be the best YOU in existence!” -Zig Ziglar

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown

So, as far as I’m concerned, I am perfect! At least I am perfect at being ME!