Archive for ‘Relationships’

February 15th, 2011

Are you a Victim or an Owner of your LIFE?

It is said that people fall into one of two categories when it comes to their approach to LIFE. You can either be a Victim or an Owner.

Many great authors have written several books on this topic, one being Steve Chandler.

So how do you spot an Owner and/or a Victim? And which category do you fall into?

Here are some clear distinctions between victims and owners:

  • Victims take no responsibility while Owners take full responsibility for their happiness and success in life.
  • Victims like to tell you their sad stories but Owners focus on success stories.
  • Victims talk about what happened to them in life and how that “made” them feel … Owners may tell you about their life experiences to emphasize what they’ve learned.
  • Victims complain and complain, and usually complain some more … Owners learn, and learn and learn some more.
  • Victims believe other people have control or are in control of their lives but Owners know they are in FULL control of theirs.
  • Victims are generally unhappy with where they are and how their lives are progressing but Owners are happy with where they are and where they’re headed.
  • Victims can make up and have many excuses for where, why and how they are while Owners do not use or buy into excuses.
  • Victims focus on all the things that can, and probably will go wrong… so why bother trying … while Owners focus on creative steps and solutions.
  • Victims REACT to whatever comes along, Owners use what happens to CREATE some more.
  • Victims come from a place of FEAR! … Owners come from a place of LOVE.

What is your choice? Fear or Love?

Posted in Personal Growth and Development, Relationships | 1 Comment »

May 13th, 2010

Thirteen Characteristics of Healthy and Successful Relationships

The following thirteen (13) aspects are typical for people who are in successful and healthy relationships:

People in Healthy Relationships…

1. Show appreciation, affection and gratitude to one another.
2. Welcome each other after time apart and show interest in hearing about the other’s day and activities.
3. Typically respond to one another’s verbal and non-verbal communications.
4. Can work cooperatively together on projects.
5. Go out together (outings, activities, entertainment, socializing).
6. Share life chores together (housework, meal prep, bills, childrearing etc).
7. Value most of each other’s choices and decisions and can respectfully talk about their differences.
8. Share and discuss their dreams and aspirations, and find shared values and meaning.
9. Review, share and talk about events in their shared and personal history.
10. Take pleasure in meeting each other’s needs for intimacy, passion and commitment.
11. Talk openly about their physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs.
12. Wish to stay together and keep enjoying their union and partnership.
13. Want happiness together and for one another.

If all of these pointers apply to your relationship you are definitely on to something absolutely amazing!

If quite a few of these pointers do not apply to your relationship, it may be time to give it some extra attention. Instead of putting your attention on how the other person is “showing up” in the relationship it may be of an even greater value to explore and notice how YOU are “showing up”. Are you being the best there is of you? Are you being the person you like to be?

Most relationship predicaments are rooted in unrealistic expectations and lack of open and loving communication. Any attitudes and beliefs based on; “I’m not good enough” and/or “You’re not good enough” will impair your happiness potential in any and all relationships whether it’s your relationships with other people or the relationship you have with yourself.

For advice on ‘rekindling’ relationships, check out the following article:

Seven Steps to Rekindling and Creating an Open and Loving Relationship

Posted in Relationships, Uncategorized | No Comments »

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May 3rd, 2010

Forgiveness

Posted in Personal Growth and Development, Relationships, Videos | 1 Comment »

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April 8th, 2010

Sometimes you got to let IT win!

This morning, I woke up to two little cuddle bugs resting their warm, little heads on my shoulders. They’d snuck into my bed in the early hours of the morning right after their dad had left for work. After embracing them and this beautiful moment for awhile, and giving them lots of hugs and kisses I told my daughter we had to hurry on out of bed so we’d get ready for school in time. “Just five more minutes mom…” she pleaded and pulled the covers up to our shoulders.  In my mind I quickly calculated the “opportunity cost” and realized that giving into her plead would very likely make us late for school as we were already running a bit behind… yet it was an easy sell.

Some of my favorite moments of being a mom is waking up exactly like this and getting to be this close to my children. It isn’t every day that I have both of them by me, feeling calm and relaxed at the exact same time, and still resting in the peaceful haziness of a good night’s sleep. There is something magical about being all snuggled up close under the same big cover. It feels safe and comforting, and so genuinely loving. It is almost as if nothing else exists; we are in our own little world.

Suddenly, our cat decided to jump on the bed to join the party and in that same instant, seemingly out of the blue, my little three-year-old gets up and roars as loud as he can imitating a dinosaur. Our cat, in absolute astonishment goes flying up into the air and does an astounding backwards flip before it lands on the floor. We all broke out laughing and then my little three year old joker reenacted the entire scene about three times to his sister’s pure joy and delight. Five minutes turned into fifteen and as hard as it was to step out of this magic, Ms. Logical Mom showed up and made sure we’d get going. And, so we went, off to seize a new day, a good 20 minutes late, yet feeling so happy and joyous, and still laughing about our cat’s acrobatic talents.

As I rest in the joyous memory of that beautiful morning I can’t help but realize how easy it would have been to miss out on that magical moment. Everything that brings love, joy and happiness into my life was right there in front of me. All I had to do was say YES to IT.

IT… is LIFE in a nutshell. The actual core of IT, the magic of your life that often comes at no cost at all yet brings you invaluable joy and happiness. We all want IT but we all too often tend to be too busy to get to IT.

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Posted in Designing ME, LIFE, MY Life, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments »

March 9th, 2010

What are your children living?

“-Children Learn What They Live-

If children live with criticism,
they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.

If children live with fear,
they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity,
they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.

If children live with jealousy,
they learn what envy is.

If children live with shame,
they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with Tolerance,
they learn to be Patient.

If children live with Encouragement,
they learn to be Confident.

If children live with Praise,
they learn to Appreciate.

If children live with Approval,
they learn to Like themselves.

If children live with Acceptance,
they learn to find Love in the world.

If children live with Recognition,
they learn to have a Goal.

If children live with Sharing,
they learn to be Generous.

If children live with Honesty and Fairness,
they learn what Truth and Justice are.

If children live with Security,
they learn to have Faith in themselves and those around them.

If children live with Friendliness,
they learn that the world is a Nice place in which to Live.

If children live with Serenity,
they learn to have a Peace of mind.

With what are your children living?”

–Dorothy L. Nolte

Posted in LIFE, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments »

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February 28th, 2010

Law of Attraction Quotes

“Every thought vibrates, every thought radiates a signal, and every thought attracts a matching signal back. We call that process the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction says: That which is like unto itself is drawn. And so, you might see the powerful Law of Attraction as a sort of Universal Manager that sees to it that all thoughts that match one another line up.”

From Ask and It is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks

“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” – Buddha

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” – Buddha

“Law of attraction says that all your thoughts, all images in your mind, and all the feelings connected to your thoughts will later manifest as your reality. In other words; everything you have in your life – now – has been attracted to you thru your mind.”

From Global Oneness http://www.experiencefestival.com/law_of_attraction

“Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.” -Albert Einstein

“We are not onlookers peering into the unified field of separate, objective reality – we are the unified field. We can reach beyond the physical body and extend the influence of intelligence. Every thought you are thinking creates a wave in the unified field. It ripples through all the layers of intellect, mind, senses, and matter, spreading out in wider and wider circles. You are like a light radiating not photons but consciousness. As they radiate, your thoughts have an effect on everything. Your relationship to life is the same as that of one cell to your whole body. One cell can talk to your whole body. One cell can influence your whole body. You can talk to the whole of life – influence the whole of life. The whole of life is as alive as we are. The distinction between ‘in here’ and ‘out there’ is a false one – as if the heart disregarded the skin because it was not on the inside.” -Deepak Chopra

“You are a creator; you create with your every thought.You often create by default, for you are getting what you are giving your attention to wanted or unwanted but you know by how it feels if what you are getting (creating) is what you are wanting or if it is not what you are wanting. (Where is your attention focused?)” -Abraham Hicks

Posted in Law of Attraction, Love, MIND, Money Money Money Money, Personal Growth and Development, Quotes, Relationships, Tools and Techniques | 3 Comments »

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September 18th, 2009

Seven steps to rekindling and creating an open and loving relationship

1. Recommit to your relationship wholeheartedly! You must decide that you truly want your relationship to work.

2. Reflect back on the things that made you fall in love with your spouse in the first place. If either of you have changed then look for qualities in your spouse that you are still attracted to, and acknowledge the great aspects that came into light sometime later.

3. Be completely honest with your spouse. Let him or her know what you are feeling and thinking. If you have concerns in your life and/or about your relationship, share those concerns in an open and loving manner.

4. Communicate, communicate, communicate!!! Do not accuse, threaten or nit-pick about immaterial things. Those are wedges that can drive the strongest of relationships apart. Lack of communication is the reason relationships get stuck or start sliding backwards.

5. LISTEN! A solid relationship needs both partners to express themselves but more importantly to HEAR and understand what the other one is saying on a variety of subjects, without fear of judgment, rejection or being put down. Let the other person speak out before you read into what they are saying or give a response, and do not get stuck on single words or phrases and nit-pick on how the message is phrased or delivered. You can always ask for clarifications later and do so in an open and loving manner.

6. Change YOU & not your spouse. Accept that you cannot change your spouse, and realize that you do not have to wait for your spouse to change before you can start making changes for the better. Commit to practice the art of love and giving your relationship and your spouse truly focused time and attention. Put yourself in a loving frame of mind and say to yourself on a regular basis (and definitely prior to and during your communications with your spouse); I am open, loving and thankful.

7. Share YOU! Make yourself genuinely available to communicate and be intimate with your spouse and love and honor your relationship. Give your spouse what s/he wants the most; YOU! Share your story, your thoughts, fears, dreams, secrets, and hopes for the future. Your spouse is the one to whom you gave the key to your heart, but that heart can only be shared by your words and actions. The more we give of ourselves the stronger the bond between you gets and the more intimate and fulfilling the relationship becomes. All you really have to do is GIVE YOU!

Posted in Love, Personal Growth and Development, Relationships, Tools and Techniques | No Comments »

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August 10th, 2009

No is a small word that has yet to turn into a big YES!

Saturday afternoon I was feeling a bit discouraged and somewhat indifferent about an idea I have been carrying around in my passionate mind. The idea is based on making a significant contribution to thousands of individuals but it requires a few people’s ‘buy in’, and I had just come up against a closed door!

My mind started asking; Why not just let this go and get on with your life? Why focus any more time on this when there is so much else you can be creating? Why do you even care so much?! There is basically very little in it for you, so let it go!

And, I did… for about 2 hours…

Unbeknownst to me my husband had rented a movie called Yes Man for our movie night Saturday. It was the absolute right movie to watch in this moment in time, highly entertaining, and it also had a great message. Interesting how the right things just show up at the right time.

Yes Man is about this NO-guy who starts saying YES to each and every opportunity that presents itself… a bold shift indeed. And, it so happens that even highly questionable occurrences or opportunities start leading to great things happening in his life. All because he said YES!

The movie ended up being a ‘wake-me-up-with-a-hammer-to-my-head’ reminder of how much I wanted that YES!!! I really, really want this YES to creating what it is I want to create! That three letter world can change the lives of so many people, and can lead to so many good things which means that I have to say a big YES to the opportunity of bringing those no’s into solid, butterflies-in-your-tummy-excited, heartfelt YES’s!

A ‘no’ is just an opportunity for you to change your approach in getting to YES! So how do we get people to say YES to us? We help them see how saying YES will enrich their lives. That is all that is needed. Everyone wants to say YES to life! People want their lives to mean something; we are all here to make a contribution. Coming to a closed door simply meant that I had not been clear on the benefits; that I had not appealed to that person’s sense of contribution. I now have an opportunity to create a much clearer understanding of what I am proposing and offering.

So, I am thankful for that door not opening up right away. How else would I have gotten the opportunity to get even more creative in my approach?

I am so saying YES to this challenge and saying YES to life!

Posted in Personal Growth and Development, Positive Thinking, Relationships | No Comments »

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