The following thirteen (13) aspects are typical for people who are in successful and healthy relationships:

People in Healthy Relationships…

1. Show appreciation, affection and gratitude to one another.
2. Welcome each other after time apart and show interest in hearing about the other’s day and activities.
3. Typically respond to one another’s verbal and non-verbal communications.
4. Can work cooperatively together on projects.
5. Go out together (outings, activities, entertainment, socializing).
6. Share life chores together (housework, meal prep, bills, childrearing etc).
7. Value most of each other’s choices and decisions and can respectfully talk about their differences.
8. Share and discuss their dreams and aspirations, and find shared values and meaning.
9. Review, share and talk about events in their shared and personal history.
10. Take pleasure in meeting each other’s needs for intimacy, passion and commitment.
11. Talk openly about their physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs.
12. Wish to stay together and keep enjoying their union and partnership.
13. Want happiness together and for one another.

If all of these pointers apply to your relationship you are definitely on to something absolutely amazing!

If quite a few of these pointers do not apply to your relationship, it may be time to give it some extra attention. Instead of putting your attention on how the other person is “showing up” in the relationship it may be of an even greater value to explore and notice how YOU are “showing up”. Are you being the best there is of you? Are you being the person you like to be?

Most relationship predicaments are rooted in unrealistic expectations and lack of open and loving communication. Any attitudes and beliefs based on; “I’m not good enough” and/or “You’re not good enough” will impair your happiness potential in any and all relationships whether it’s your relationships with other people or the relationship you have with yourself.

For advice on ‘rekindling’ relationships, check out the following article:

Seven Steps to Rekindling and Creating an Open and Loving Relationship

1. Recommit to your relationship wholeheartedly! You must decide that you truly want your relationship to work.

2. Reflect back on the things that made you fall in love with your spouse in the first place. If either of you have changed then look for qualities in your spouse that you are still attracted to, and acknowledge the great aspects that came into light sometime later.

3. Be completely honest with your spouse. Let him or her know what you are feeling and thinking. If you have concerns in your life and/or about your relationship, share those concerns in an open and loving manner.

4. Communicate, communicate, communicate!!! Do not accuse, threaten or nit-pick about immaterial things. Those are wedges that can drive the strongest of relationships apart. Lack of communication is the reason relationships get stuck or start sliding backwards.

5. LISTEN! A solid relationship needs both partners to express themselves but more importantly to HEAR and understand what the other one is saying on a variety of subjects, without fear of judgment, rejection or being put down. Let the other person speak out before you read into what they are saying or give a response, and do not get stuck on single words or phrases and nit-pick on how the message is phrased or delivered. You can always ask for clarifications later and do so in an open and loving manner.

6. Change YOU & not your spouse. Accept that you cannot change your spouse, and realize that you do not have to wait for your spouse to change before you can start making changes for the better. Commit to practice the art of love and giving your relationship and your spouse truly focused time and attention. Put yourself in a loving frame of mind and say to yourself on a regular basis (and definitely prior to and during your communications with your spouse); I am open, loving and thankful.

7. Share YOU! Make yourself genuinely available to communicate and be intimate with your spouse and love and honor your relationship. Give your spouse what s/he wants the most; YOU! Share your story, your thoughts, fears, dreams, secrets, and hopes for the future. Your spouse is the one to whom you gave the key to your heart, but that heart can only be shared by your words and actions. The more we give of ourselves the stronger the bond between you gets and the more intimate and fulfilling the relationship becomes. All you really have to do is GIVE YOU!